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<title>i don't want to die living in a high rise grave by hatchergold</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946410">i don't want to die living in a high rise grave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatchergold/pseuds/hatchergold'>hatchergold</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, takes place between 2.0 and 3.0+1.0</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:40:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatchergold/pseuds/hatchergold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Currently, Kensuke was hosting target practice only after the world had already ended.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i don't want to die living in a high rise grave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title comes from raw sugar by metric.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You should’ve let me teach you this <em> before </em> it happened. I tried to, y’know.” Kensuke stood behind Toji with one hand on his back, the other reaching around to steady Toji’s hands. Currently, Kensuke was hosting target practice only after the world had already ended. Years of playing war had seemed to pay off. </p><p>Toji sighed and dropped his hands. “I didn’t think the world woulda actually ended then, though.” Somehow, they had survived it. It had been just over 3 months since the incident, <em> impact </em> , rather. It left the world bloody and barren in its wake. The two of them, as well as Hikari, were the only ones left standing in the shelter that day.<br/>
<br/>
Kensuke took the gun from his hands. “It was gonna end someday though. I’m just glad I knew how to get by after.” He shoved the gun back in his school bag as Toji turned around to face him. “Can’t say the same for you.” </p><p>Both of them looked like they had seen better days. Kensuke’s glasses were cracked, and their clothes were caked in blood. Hikari had begun sporting a braid instead of her pigtails, simply for safety's sake. </p><p>Toji gestured towards the wrecked building beside them. “When d’ya think Hikari’s gonna head back? Should we go up there an’ check on her?” </p><p>“Nah, she’s perfectly capable of searching a building herself. Besides, she hates this kind of shit. Guns, fighting. Y’know.”  </p><p>Toji nodded briskly. “Guess we can wait out here.” He surveyed the surroundings of the wreckage. “Looks safe enough.”</p><p>They lulled into a silence as they cleared as much of the blood-red substance off of the ground as possible. Neither of them knew what it was, though they just called it blood. Nothing ever seemed too outlandish anymore. </p><p> </p><p>After settling down, Kensuke began rummaging through his school bag to check how many supplies they had left. “I hope she finds something in there, we’re low on medicine.” He sighed. </p><p>“I wish the impact had killed the fuckin’, germs, or whatever’s in the air.” Toji waved his hand in front of his face. “Way too easy to get sick out here.. I’m surprised not one of us has dropped dead yet.” </p><p>“Toji! Christ, you shouldn’t say those things.” </p><p>“Why not? Before it happened you woulda laughed and agreed with me! I’m just tryna make light, I guess.” </p><p>Kensuke shot him a look. “We don’t need to make light of it. We need to survive it.”  </p><p>Toji fell into silence for a few beats, not wanting to upset Kensuke anymore. “..I never thought I’d say it, but I miss school right now.”</p><p>“I miss my dad. Do you think he made it? Cause he works for NERV?” Kensuke took a shaky breath. “I mean, he wasn’t ever around cause he was at NERV. Maybe he’ll find us.” </p><p>“Maybe Shinji will.” </p><p>“If he’s still alive. I don’t think he is.” </p><p>Toji looked into the blood red sky, at the moon that loomed closer than ever before. “Are ya mad at him? D’ya think… that this is what he wanted?”  </p><p>“I hope not. I couldn’t ever get into his mind like I could yours. You’re easy to get.”</p><p>Toji rolled his eyes and turned towards Kensuke. “I’m glad we’re together through all of this. I dunno what I’d do with myself without you here.”  </p><p>Kensuke leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “Me too. Everything seems kind of… futile. It’d be worse on your own.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Do you still have your camera?”<br/>
<br/>
“Yeah, the batterys dead though. Why?”<br/>
<br/>
“I dunno. I wanted to be nostalgic I guess. I’m tired of livin’ in this hellhole.” </p><p>Kensuke grimaced. “The last clip I have is of the impact itself. I don’t really wanna relive that.” In the moment of the impact, while Toji held Hikari and Kensuke fixed his camera on the vortex, Pen-Pen had simply dissolved out of Hikari’s grip.<br/>
<br/>
Toji fell silent once again and looked onto the horizon. “Hey, Kensuke?”<br/>
<br/>
“Yeah?”<br/>
<br/>
“Why d’ya  think we survived? When nobody else did?”<br/>
<br/>
Kensuke turned his head to look at Toji.”Probably something to do with NERV. Maybe there's still some grand scheme, and we’re important.” He laughed to himself. “Probably not, though. We never even piloted an eva. I think pilots are the only people NERV really cared about.” </p><p>Toji sat up and ran his hands through his hair. It was getting long. “Did I ever tell you they asked me to pilot?”<br/>
<br/>
“What?! When? Why didn’t you tell me!” Kensuke had a look of disbelief, gesturing angrily into the space in front of him. He didn’t think about piloting much anymore, having to come face to face with the ramifications of it, but his jealousy persevered.<br/>
<br/>
“God, calm down! It wasn’t a big deal, I said no. I only woulda done it if they kept my sister in their fancy-ass hospitals.”<br/>
<br/>
“They didn’t?”<br/>
<br/>
“Nope. So I said no. I don’t wanna be responsible for that many people.”<br/>
<br/>
“Was this when they got that new eva? When Shikinami went into that coma?”<br/>
<br/>
“Yeah. I’m real glad I wasn’t piloting it then. Coulda been me” </p><p>“Well, NERV is definitely keeping Shikinami alive. Whenever she wakes up she knows she's gonna live another day. Us?” Kensuke tilted his head to make eye contact with Toji. “We’re stuck out here ‘til we die of starvation or something.”<br/>
<br/>
“Hey, you can’t get on my case for talkin’ about dying then you just go do the same!”<br/>
<br/>
Kensuke cracked a smile “Man, you’re just your same old self, huh?” He chuckled under his breath. “That makes me feel better.”<br/>
<br/>
Toji grumbled and crossed his arms “Ugh, whatever, be all sentimental and crap.” He points at Kensuke accusingly. “Besides, you said it yourself, we’re alive for a reason. Let's keep on living.”<br/>
<br/>
Kensuke heaved a deep sigh. “I guess that's all we can do, huh?”<br/>
<br/>
“Guess so.”</p><p> </p>
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